


The First Frontier

by searchingforvolans



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn, Spoilers, during time skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-16 04:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14156418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searchingforvolans/pseuds/searchingforvolans
Summary: [Manga - Spoilers] -  [Taking place during 851-854 time skip]After reaching the ocean, the Survey Corps established an outpost near the coast where they can monitor incoming Marleyan ships and survey the area beyond the walls. Jean Kirstein and the other survivors of the 104th Training Corps are stationed at the outpost and are getting used to life beyond the walls.





	1. With Change Comes _____

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first fanfiction that I ever have posted. I am still working on this piece but the first few chapters completed.  
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Warning - there may be some spoilers if you are not caught up with the manga!

Three loud knocks broke the silence of Jean’s quiet room. Startled by the noise, Jean shot up in his bed and struggled to free himself from his sheets. In a quick attempt to get up and reach the door, Jean’s legs were caught by his sheets and he tumbled to the ground tangled in blankets. Eyes heavy with sleep, Jean squinted at the door. The doorknob giggled back and forth until it was slowly pushed open. A head of blonde hair slowly peaked from behind the door and into the room. Unfortunately, Jean could spot that tousled blonde hair from a mile away.  


“Floch!!” Jean harshly whispered. “What the fuck?! What time is it?” The blonde boy swung the door open and marched further into the dark bedroom. Upon seeing Jean, Floch let out a booming laugh! “Oh my god why do you sleep on the floor when your bed is right there?”  


Instantly annoyed by the situation, Jean began to consider this day ruined, whichever day it was. Calming down from his inappropriately loud laughter, Floch smirked and continued “It’s like about 4:05 in the morning. I was on watch duty but Commander Hange told me that she needed you.”  


Confused as to why, Jean inquired “Well is it an emergency? Does she need me right away or do I have time to get shower and get dressed?”  


Floch rolled his eyes. “How come you have no sense of urgency, Jean? If she needs you, you should probably go right away.” The blonde boy shook his head and headed for the door. “Also, you should put on pants, no one wants to see you in your underwear.” Floch added and sauntered out of the room, making no effort to close the door behind him.  


Uncomfortable by the rude comments, Jean is used to Floch’s constant need to put his two cents in. Floch is a very honest person, even to the point of insensitivity. It can be appreciated, even courageous, how Floch voices his opinions and stands up for what he believes. Though his lack of a filter can spark a disagreement with his other comrades. From the time they first met, before the Battle of Shiganshina, to now, Jean has always been cautious around Floch. Jean often sees his former self and old behaviors reflected in Floch, which could be a reason the two are often at odds.  


Standing up, Jean gathered up his tangled heap of blankets and tossed it on the bed. Jean shamelessly picked up yesterday’s pants and put them back on. _I haven’t showered, I’m dirty, I might as well._ Jean justified. Committing to his crime, he took off his sleep shirt and put on yesterday’s shirt as well. Slipping on socks and boots, Jean grabbed his lantern from the nightstand beside his bed and illuminated his surroundings. Shutting the door behind him, Jean walked through the dorm-styled barracks that only Levi’s Squad had. The wooden floorboards creaked below him, Jean shifted his weight in an effort to be quiet. Who would want to be awake at this hour anyway? Assuming Hange is not in her room, Jean continued down the long hallway towards the building’s exit.  


It took a little over one year to exterminate majority of the titans beyond the wall. Most titans wandered towards or inside Wall Maria until it was recovered. Outside of the Walls and the outer districts, titan sightings were sparse. It was a promising thought, the war against the titans were near an end. Similar to what the Survey Corps predicted, as one door closes, another one opens.  


After Commander Hange deemed the areas beyond the Walls safe, Levi and Armin suggested building a Survey Corps outpost near the ocean. The base stood within a wooded area, out of sight of the Marleyan docks at the harbor. A few buildings, a watchtower, and a tall chain link fence, made up their outpost. Almost 3 months of frequently being stationed at the outpost, there has been no titan sightings or building damage. Everyone feels as safe as they can in a world like this but Levi insisted on continuing a watchtower duty each night.  


Jean was welcomed outside with sweet smell of dewy foliage. With each step brought the soft sounds of twigs snapping under his boots. The sky glowed with a dark grey, thin clouds created a veil the covered the stars that shimmered above. The air had a slight salty taste, reminding him that the ocean nearby. The wide open yard was surrounded by five wooden buildings and a horse stable. To the right of the sleeping quarters stood a cabin-styled building with a high roof. Few windows covered the sides of the structure. A flickering light shown through the glass window gave Jean a good indication that Hange was in her office.  


Making his way inside, Jean approached Hange’s office door and gave it a few gentle knocks. Waiting for a response, Jean calls out “Commander?”  


“Come on in!” Hange hollered through the door. Jean opened the door to see Hange sitting at her disaster of a desk. Stacks of papers, journals, pencils, and science equipment littered her large desk and the surrounding wooden counter behind it. Much to Jean’s surprise, he sees Armin sitting on the other side of Hange’s desks. Armin gave Jean a small nod good morning and a smile.  


“Sit down.” Hange offered, having yet to look up from the paper she was invested in.  


Taking a seat besides Armin, Jean questioned “Is something wrong?”  


“Oh no!” Hange exclaimed, raising her head to give Jean her full attention. She ran a hand through her brown hair to push her bangs out of her face. Ever since Hange lost her left eye in the Battle of Shiganshina, she has been sporting a black leather eye patch that Levi found for her. Jean and the other 104th survivors felt dishearten when learning about Hange’s injury after the battle. Though it could have been much worse, with either the loss of a limb or loss of her life, her sight played a large role in her abilities as a scientist, solider, and commander. Jean has yet to see her bothered or limited by it.  


“Nothing is wrong.” Hange confirmed. “I was just asking if you would be willing to go on a small field trip with Armin and I? I need your drawing skills and Armin’s observation skills.”  


Not surprised but also not what he had in mind at 4am, Jean agreed to his Commander’s request. Jean would not consider himself an artist, or even good at drawing, but Hange saw one landscape drawing of beyond the Walls and it was good enough for her.  


It was Armin that motivated Hange to document as much of the outside world as they could. With his love for exploration and her love for nature and science, the two began to document everything they came across. Is this what the Survey Corps was meant to do? Jean thinks so. Already, Armin and Hange have documented hundreds of plant and animal species, trees, and landscapes throughout the past year. Jean became the illustrator for their journals and books.  


“I want to head towards the west part of the beach, where it’s rocky. Last time I was there, there were a whole lot of tiny pools that formed from the rocks. The tide filled them with water and I saw several sea stars. It could be crawling with marine life, so Armin and I want to investigate more.” Hange’s eye gleamed with excitement.  


Armin tilted his head slightly and gave Hange and furrowed brow. “Didn’t we decide to call them “tide pools”?” He asked for verifications.  


“Oh shoot, you’re right, I forgot, I want us to ride half an hour west to the tide pools.” Hange corrected, giving Armin a reaffirming nod. “I want to try and leave before 5am so pack your bag and ready your horse.”  


“Alright, sounds good.” Jean nodded and used the arms of the chair to life himself up. Heading for the door, Jean stopped when he heard her clear her throat before adding more.  


“Oh, and bring a change of clothes and some clothes you don’t mind getting wet.” Hange stated with a slight chime to her voice.  


_I better not be swimming in that cold water._ Jean’s face made slight grimace upon hearing Hange’s recommendation. He said his temporary goodbyes to both and left the office.  


Venturing back to his room in the barracks. Jean turned off the light from his lantern and quieted his footsteps to avoid waking up his sleeping comrades in their rooms. Jean made his way down the hall, passing Armin’s room, Eren’s old room, and Sasha’s room. When Jean began to walk past Mikasa’s room, he was caught off guard by the quick swing of her door opening.  


Taking a startled inhale, he jumped back and ungracefully hit the hallway wall behind him. Jean saw Mikasa standing fully dressed in her normal civilian clothes like she had been up for a while.  


“Hah, oh jeez, you scared the shit out of me.” Jean awkwardly chuckled, reaching a hand behind his back to check for any splinters that may have caught the back of his shirt. Jean thanked the Walls that he did not scream or making some type of emasculating squeal in front of her.  


“Sorry.” Mikasa insincerely apologized. “I heard Floch’s voice and saw from my window that he left his watchtower post. Is everything alright?” She crossed her arms and leaned her weight up against her door frame.  


“Yeah everything is fine, I just met with Hange, she wants Armin and I to join her in exploring a different part of the beach.” He quickly summarized. “We will be leaving in less than an hour.”  


Mikasa nodded, her short dark hair bounced lightly at her chin. It was not the first time that she noticed Hange taking the two on exploration missions at odd hours of the day. It hadn’t crossed Hange’s mind about all the species that they discovered had been during the day. After the hearing the cooing of an owl at night, it set off a lightbulb in her mind about nocturnal animals. Ever since, she drags Armin and Jean out on early morning missions before dawn, just to see if she can catch any nighttime wildlife.  


“Do you think Hange would allow me to come with you all or no?” Mikasa speculated. She enjoys the ocean but gets more satisfaction from Armin’s passion for the ocean.  


“Uh, probably, maybe.” Jean indirectly answered. “I know you have joined us on a couple of trips so she may not have a problem with it. You should probably ask her first though.” He suggested, with slight optimism that she would be able to come on their ocean-side excursion.  


Mikasa replied with a lighthearted “Okay” and left towards Hange’s office.  


Jean gave his heart rate about 2 seconds to calm down before he continued towards his room at the end of the hall. He wouldn’t consider his feelings for Mikasa strong but his feelings were still there. Jean has observed nothing from Mikasa’s actions or behaviors that would indicate that she likes him anything beyond a comrade, and thankfully, a friend. Jean does not give off anymore indications that he still likes her, it’s something he would rather keep to himself. However, he always keeps a watchful eye on her during battles and missions, and cares for her safety. Though Mikasa can definitely take care of herself, he wants to ensure that she is safe and survives the longest. Mikasa is far too valuable of a solider and friend to lose. Eren may hold the title of Humanity’s Last Hope, but Jean believes Mikasa and Armin share a part of that hope as well.


	2. Swimming with the Fishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa joins Jean, Armin, and Hange on their research adventure to the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Thanks for sticking around for the second chapter!  
> I hope you enjoy!

The soft orange glow from the sunlight slightly illuminated the eastern portion of the sky. Hange took that as their indication to leave. The tide pools that Hange wanted to study wasn’t too far away. Armin, Jean, and Mikasa had their horses ready when Hange gave the cue for the group to head out.

The Survey Corps outpost was small in vicinity but was surrounded by forested hills and grassland. Tall pine trees surrounded the complex, in case of an emergency where 3-D maneuver gear was needed. The four-man team rode past the clusters of trees. Tall grass beneath them looked like feathers that rocked gently in the wind. 

The salty breeze lightly brushed up against Armin’s blonde hair as his horse ran at a steady gallop. Armin kept his glance left majority of the trip to the tide pools. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the steady and constant rock of the ocean’s waves. After his dream came true of seeing the ocean, Armin wanted to explore more of it. What else lives in the water? How deep is the ocean? Could the whole world be covered in oceans, or is this the only one? Questions with unknown answers plague his mind every so often. 

Similar to Armin, Mikasa kept her gaze to the left throughout the trip as well. The ocean was a blue liquid treasure full of salt, a rare luxury within the Walls. The ocean extended far into the horizon, Mikasa could see nothing except the thin line where the sky met the ocean in the far distance. Mikasa knows Eren is on the other side of the ocean and that contributes to her fascination of it. She doesn’t necessarily know how far away, or if he even made it. She chooses not to think about that, except she does think about Marley, the dark place that Reiner, Berthold, and Annie reigned from. What does Marley even look like? Does it look like the towns within the Walls? Is it full of forests? Does it look like the sea of sand that Armin once mentioned? As of now, she won’t know until they receive word from Eren. Somehow. 

Up at the front of their small four-man formation, Hange raised a hand signal for them to slow down and start heading further towards the shore. Their horses slowed to a walk as they navigated through a rockier portion of the beach. 

Hange spotted the rock formation that she remembered from before. “I see it! It’s over this way. Let’s tie the horses up for now.” Hange called, her voice was laced with excitement. 

Jean swung a leg over the saddle and jumped off his horse. Walking over to Mikasa, he gestured to her reins in a silent offer to tie up her horse. She thanked him and jumped down to grab her bag that hung from the saddle. 

Large rock platforms sat above the beige gritty sand. The rough edges of the rocks had mounds, narrow fissures, and jagged indents. Jean, Armin, and Mikasa followed Hange out to the rocky formations. She told the three to watch their step and be cautious of touching anything. Everyone followed Hange single filed along the tide pool edges. Colors from the tide pools that Hange never would have expected was clear within the calm water. There were various colored sea stars, weird green things with multiple tentacles, tiny bumps attached to the rocky edge. It was full of marine life and Hange was in awe. 

“J-Jean get out your sketch pad! Here! Draw everything you see right here!” Hange gushed with a large smile spreading across her face as she pointed at every organism that resided just beneath the water’s surface. 

Jean reached into to his bag to grab his art supplies. After finding a dry rock to sit on, he propped one knee up to rest his board on and he got to work sketching. 

The next few hours entailed Hange and Armin rushing around the tide pools, touching various sea life, and investigating the ocean on this portion of the beach. Both jotted down multiple pages worth of notes, behaviors, and their surroundings. Mikasa walked around, she enjoyed watching everyone do their part of research and discovery. The passion was strong and each one of them played a vital role in what the Survey Corps was originally thought of to do. Instead of dying at the hands of titans, the Survey Corps was now _surveying_ the area beyond the Walls. Both got humanity where it is today. 

As the sun rose higher in the sky, it brought the heat along with it. Hange wouldn’t consider the temperature hot, but it was definitely warm. The strong rays heated the sand under her feet. From what she and Armin felt earlier on their feet, the ocean water felt cool and tempting. 

Offering her suggestion, Hange called to her team “Hey guys, I am going to take a break and get in the water, you can join me if you’d like!” Hange ran the short distance where the horses were tied up to go grab her change of clothes. She reached for her more suitable swim attire and disappeared behind a tree to change her clothes. Minutes later, the group could see her slowly making her way into the water. 

Armin rolled his pants up to his thighs and joined her. 

Moments later, Jean finished up at least 10 sketches. Drawing exactly what he saw, nothing more, and nothing less. Standing up, he laid several of his finished sketches flat in his bag. His hand ached from gripping the pencil for the past couple of hours, he deserved a break. Making his way off the rocks, he headed closer to the shore where the group was. He kicked his boots off, throwing them onto the rocks by the tide pools. He made the mental note not to wear his shoes on the sand because he felt as if he spent a week trying to get all of the sand out of them. The sand felt like a cushion beneath his feet, each grain of sand acting as a tiny massage as his buried his toes under the sand. Jean had a love-hate relationship with the sand on the beach. 

Short conversations and laughter was shared amongst the group as they enjoyed their break in the water. 

It wasn’t long until all four stood waist-deep in the water. The waves lapping against the shore had a steady roar. The clarity of the water allowed Armin to see a gleaming distorted view of his legs. A dark green ribbon brushed up against Armin’s leg. Recognizing what it was, he reach in the water to grab the long piece of seaweed. He inspected it briefly and released it back into the water. _It’s like ocean grass_ , he suggested to himself. 

Armin continued looking down into the water, to spot any more seaweed or sea shells that he could find and take back to Hange’s lab. The blonde boy spotted a clear blob floating in the water. The small blob did not move but just drifted, allowing the oceans waves to carry it. Wanting to investigate more, Armin waded his way closer to the mysterious gel-like object. 

“Hange!” Armin called over to his Commander. “Come check this out, I have never seen anything like it before.” 

Hearing Armin’s comment, Jean carefully waded his way closer to the direction which the blonde boy pointed. Narrowing in on the blob, Hange, Armin, and Jean stood over the transparent lifeless heap. 

Hange squinted her eyes, she had no idea what she was looking at. “It looks gelatinous.” The Commander suggested with rising intonation. “However, it looks like there is some clear stuff inside of it.” She observed. 

Jean noticed clear lacy strings that hung behind the gel-like ball. ”Guys look at that, it’s like it has a tail behind it or something?” 

“What should we do?” Armin pondered, glancing up to give Hange a concerned look. “Do you think it’s like that ocean grass that we saw earlier?” 

“Maybe…” Hange answered, raising her hand to her chin. “It looks kind of dead to me, whatever it is. Should I pick it up?” She openly suggested. The creature had a gelatin body, it gave no indication that it was alive, and it is only drifting in the ocean like seaweed. 

Jean immediately grew concerned for Hange’s safety. Ever since he saved her from the quadrupedal titan back in Shiganshina, he aimed to fulfill the protector role that Moblit once had for her. 

“N-no no don’t touch it!” Jean voice shook as he interrupted, raising an arm to separate Hange from the odd organism. Hange raised a puzzled look at the taller boy. Jean quickly tried to find an excuse for the woman to stay clear of the blob. “Uh, what if it bites you or something, I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.” 

Taking his concern into consideration, Hange took a gentle step back within the water to keep the water steady around them. 

Jean slowly raised a wet hand out of the water, hovering it above the gelatinous clear mass. 

Inching his hand closer, Armin interrupted “Wait!! You’re right, what if it does bite? Pick it up by the tail so it doesn’t get you hand!!” Listening to blonde boy and believing he knows best, Jean nodded, reaching down to grab the blob up by its tail. 

The tail felt cool for a split second then a sharp stinging sensation engulfed Jean’s finger tips. He yelped in pain, quickly pulling his hand away from the creature. Hange jumped, leaning closer to Jean to inspect his affected hand. The area around his fingers and palm grew red and the skin slowly raised in inflammation. 

“Argh, it bit me! Fuck, it burns really bad!” Jean whimpered, using his other hand to cradle his blistering hand. 

Armin’s eyes widened, glancing back and forth between the injured boy and the gel-like creature that bit him. “Guys let’s just get out of here.” Armin reached for Hange’s back to guide her back to the shore. He glanced back at the clear blob to take a mental note of its appearance one last time. 

Jean saw Armin’s eyes quickly trying to study the transparent creature. Not wanting to deny him the chance to study this animal, without hesitation, Jean reached for what he though was the head of the animal and picked it up out of the water. The head of the blob felt soft and fragile, cool and slimy between his burning fingers. 

Trying to wade through the waves with an awkward jog, Jean reached his arm back to toss the blob onto the golden sand away from the water. As he began his underhand toss, the tail of the gelatin animal whipped back around, making contact with Jean’s forearm. A bolt of pain jolted through his arm as the long clear tendrils brushed up against his forearm and elbow. Bearing through it, the tall boy finished his throw, watching the blob plop onto the sand ahead of him. 

Not even making it out of the water, Armin watched as Jean fell to his knees, he hunched over his injured arm as the waves lightly crashed against his back. Armin and Mikasa ran through the breaking tides to Jean’s side, making an effort to lift him from his underarms to guide him out of the water. 

Mikasa eyes swiftly addressed the situation because she couldn’t see the blob from where she stood in the water. The raven-haired girl noticed more red marks appearing on Jean’s skin. “Watch his arm” Mikasa warned Armin. 

The ocean left their feet as they moved onto the warm sand. Jean sat on the sand, gritty specs of sand coated his black wet pants. Mikasa took a knee and knelt beside Jean, leaning to the side to get a better view of his right forearm. Armin raised his arms to hold out Jean’s injured arm. 

“You’re not bleeding, Jean, I don’t think it bit you, I think it stung you?” Armin concluded, his voice soft and calm as he tried to remain calm in the situation. 

Mikasa told Jean to wait as she spun around, sprinting towards where her bag laid by the tide pool rocks. 

Jean watched as she left, he blinked then turned his gaze to the blonde boy beside him. Armin’s eyes appeared empty as he stared at the waves crashing against the shore beside them. 

_This burns like hell_ , Jean complained to himself. Using his left hand to cradle his injured arm, he stood up and slowly walked his way over to where he remembered throwing the transparent creature. 

Jean saw Hange leaning over the blob that laid still in the sand. Somehow Hange managed to grab her pencil and notepad within the time it took for Mikasa and Armin to drag him ashore. Jean knelt beside her, watching as she frantically scribbled notes on her page. The brunette woman adjusted her glasses with the back of her hand as she begun a very rough sketch of the creature from how it looked in the water to how it looked on land. 

Not lifting her head from her notes, Hange asked “How does it feel? Describe the pain.” She scribble on her journal a section title “symptoms”. 

“Uh, it hurts but not insanely bad. It just caught me off guard. It mostly burns and stings, but the pain doesn’t spread anywhere.” Jean briefly described the sensation that he felt from his elbow to his fingertips. Jean shifted his gaze up to see Mikasa making her way over to him and Hange. With her she carried a canteen of water and a small canvas bag that Jean assumed was a first-aid kit. 

“Here.” Mikasa stated, sitting down cross-legged beside Jean and Hange. “Turn this way and hold out your arm.” 

Jean did as he was told, orienting himself to give his burning arm out for Mikasa to pour her fresh drinking water on. 

Mikasa unscrewed the cap and slowly poured water onto the wounds. “Sorry, it’s warm from sitting out in the sun.” She apologized. 

The warm water stung as it dripped onto his skin but Jean felt a small relief from the burning. “No, it’s okay, it helps.” 

Nodding, Mikasa poured out the entire canteen along the welts that arose on his skin. Reaching down into her bag, she pulled out a roll of gauze. “I don’t know what to do with an injury like this but I am just going to lightly cover it until we get back to the outpost.” Mikasa cautioned as she begun to wrap his hand and arm. 

When she finished dressing his arm, Jean thanked her as he stared as his neatly wrapped hand. Mikasa reorganized her medical kit. The injured boy watched as her hands gently organized everything in its respective place. 

Armin snapped out of his distant gaze and dashed toward the group. “Guys! I remember what that is!” His voice enriched with excitement. Sand flew up into the air as he slid to a halt right in between Jean and Hange. 

“Hange, it’s called a _jellyfish_! I remember from that old book my grandfather gave me. One of the ocean animals in that book looks a lot similar to what this looks like.” Armin assure, a smile spread across his face. 

Hange was convinced by the short boy’s statement and quickly jotted the animals name onto her paper. Closing her notebook, Hange began. “Okay good, you will have to show me that book when we get back. I feel like we should study these animals before we venture out so that this doesn’t happen again.” The brunette gestured to where Jean sat. 

Slightly embarrassed that he got hurt on an observation mission, Jean hung his head low, avoiding eye contact with anyone. “Sorry.” He sheepishly muttered, the apology was inaudible. 

“We all should get going.” The Commander continued. “We did get a lot of good drawings and notes of the creature around the tide pools today.” Turning to Jean, she thanked him for his sacrifice and concluded that today was a success. A half smile crept onto the corner of Jean’s mouth. 

The group of four gathered their belongings and loaded the horse saddles. The ride back was quiet. Armin and Hange rode beside each other, sharing short stories of their discoveries today. 

The horse ride back to the outpost appeared much shorter than to trip to the tide pools. Upon entering the camp, Connie appear in the distance, preparing to open the gates to allow the squad through. 

Connie grinned at the group that entered the complex, eyes gleaming with eagerness to hear how their adventure went. Sasha skipped over to assist the others in unsaddling the horses as they walked to the stable. 

Hange jumped off her horse and strolled over to Armin, who was unbuckling his horse’s saddle. “When you finish, could you bring Jean and meet me in the lab?” 

Armin gave his Commander a quick nod as she made her way toward the cabin-styled building. 

Mikasa stood beside her horse and gave Connie and Sasha a quick summary of the trip. The three watched as Armin and Jean walked away to join Hange in the lab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this chapter was fun to write! I hope to get more detailed in my scenery descriptions.  
> Let me know what you guys think! Any comments or feedback is greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Next chapter will be coming soon!


	3. With His Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knowing the surrounding area is safe, Mikasa makes a habit of going on evening walks. She utilizes this time to take her mind off of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for sticking around for the 3rd chapter! I hope you enjoy!

It was late in the afternoon when Mikasa decided to go for a walk. She recently had been going on walks once per day, when the sun steadily fell in the sky and the breeze grew colder. Sometimes Mikasa would stroll along the beach, slowly trekking through the shimmering sand. Sometimes she would find herself walking in the woods, hurdling over old falling logs and kicking pine corns or acorns that fell from above. This evening, Mikasa decided she would walk through the woods today.

Before leaving the outpost, Mikasa made habit of informing at least one person where she was, just so that no one would worry. Today, Sasha was closest. 

Sasha stood right by the stables, sorting out food for the horses. Her grey skirt was long, collecting dirty and hay along its bottom as she maneuvered around the horses. Sasha was talking to the horses as she filled up their baskets. 

Sasha divided her attention to greet Mikasa as she approached the stables. 

“Hey there Mikasa! How are you doing?” Sasha sang, brushing strands of hair that fell from her bangs back into her messy bun. 

“I’m fine.” Mikasa informed with a slightly monotone voice. “How are you?” She added, continuing the gesture. 

Sasha let out a small chuckle. “Hah, oh you know, like Jean always says, it’s just good to be here!” Sasha turned to throw a handful of hay into the last horse’s basket. She roughly wiped her hands on her skirt then gave her full attention to the raven-haired girl. “So what’s up?” She questioned. 

Mikasa maybe recalls Jean saying something like that, but she didn’t look too far into it. Mikasa glanced over to the outpost gate and back to her brunette friend. “I was just going to go on another walk, I just wanted to let you know. I should be back in an hour.” 

Giving a slightly puzzled look, Sasha lifted an eyebrow. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but, have you been doing okay?” Worry grew in her voice. Sasha has been noticing Mikasa’s absence in the evenings, but hasn’t had a very personal conversation with her lately. 

Mikasa tilted her head sideways and closed her eyes for a quick second, appreciating her friend’s concern. “Yeah I am fine.” She lied. “Don’t worry, I just like that hour of alone time.” Mikasa added, hoping that her answer was sufficient enough to comfort Sasha. 

“Oh okay!” Sasha responded, her face shifting into a more relaxed soft expression. “I was just worried about you.” She added, hoping that she could be a person Mikasa could turn to if she ever needed anything. 

Mikasa thankfully nodded. “Thank you Sasha, I’ll be back soon.” 

Mikasa’s brown-haired friend waved goodbye and finished up her stable duties. 

Exiting the outpost and entering a more heavily forested area blessed Mikasa with the feeling of relief. A gentle breeze hardly moved Mikasa’s dark hair but was enough to rustle the surrounding foliage. Since there was no marked path, she kept a close eye at her feet and where she stepped. Crisp dry twigs snapped beneath her boots. Instead, Mikasa just walked along a leaf-carpeted path, stepping over branches and rocks when need be. 

Where she usually walked in a straight line during her walks, this time she decided to make a right turn around a large moss covered stump. Venturing deeper into the woods, she brought her attention up. The leafy green canopy reminded her of the Forest of Giant Trees. It felt like such a long time ago since she had been there. Unfortunately, her strongest memory there was where they encountered Annie’s Female Titan. Many people died during that expedition, all were souls that gave up their hearts for humanity. It was also a day where she almost lost Eren. Mikasa’s eyes squinted as her face grimaced, as the distant memory grew increasing closer. 

That mission was the first of the many situations where Mikasa came close to losing Eren. It seems like the past few years of her life was just an emotional pendulum of having him close by then having him leave. Being her adoptive brother, her best friend, and Humanity’s Last Hope, placed an immense amount of crushing weight on her shoulders. Mikasa never truly stops worrying about him. Again, Eren’s current whereabouts are always on the backburners of her mind. Will he come back on a ship disguised as a Marleyan solider? Will he transform into a titan underwater and swim back? Will she not hear from him at all and have to travel to Marley herself to find him? Mikasa began falling back into her habit of overthinking, something Armin warned her many times to work on. 

Even though Mikasa knows Eren can care for himself, she has noticed the changes in him, not only as a solider, but as a person. The spontaneous, impulsive, and hardheaded Eren Jaeger was gone, replaced by a more levelheaded, wiser, but more distant Eren Jaeger. Mikasa feels that she bears the weight of worry for Eren, Armin, and her friends’ lives, but Eren bears the weight of humanity’s chance of survival. Mikasa has heard Eren’s silent cries during the night, mourning the loss of the lives he blames on himself. Comforting him or telling him it’s not his fault, does no help to his pain. Waiting helplessly on the sidelines is all she is able to do. 

Now with his absence, the pressure of concern drags behind her like a weighed down chain. Shackled by distress has taken a tax on her mental and physical health. Nearing every night, Mikasa is plagued by insomnia and racing thoughts. When the lights are off and she is alone with her thoughts, she often finds herself revisiting those painful memories. 

In an effort to free herself of her thoughts, Mikasa shook her head, feeling her hair whip around and brush against her cheeks. 

Zoning back in, Mikasa sees a slight light in the distance, like a reflection of the sunlight’s dying rays. Picking up her pace, she took longer strides to stretch her legs out. The faster she walked, the stronger the breeze felt against her, the sweet earthy scent of mud and bark met her nose. 

Approaching the source of the reflection, behind the tall trees revealed a body of water. She was greeted by the presence of small pond. The still water was like a glimmering mirror. The distant croak of frogs and chirp of birds liven up the small opening in the forest. Wanting to capture this place, Mikasa slowly scanned her eyes across the area. Unexpectedly, she saw Jean taking in the scene too. He sat on a rock with his back against a tree. He hunched over a small wooded board, and he appeared to be drawing. 

Mikasa took one small step that ended up breaking the peaceful sounds that surrounded the pond. The sharp crack of a twig breaking beneath her weight was enough to alert Jean across the pond. 

With widened eyes, his head shot up in her direction. It took a split for him to notice there was no threat and only Mikasa. Jean’s lower eyelids push upward as a grin spread across his face, he looked pleased to see her. He motioned with a hand, patting the rock he sat as an invitation for her to join. 

Feeling slightly obligated to greet him, but slightly not, Mikasa made her way around the pond’s edge. Mikasa glanced over to the pond, the water was clear and small signs of life appeared from beneath the water’s surface. A thin emerald-colored fish swam slowly through the water, hunting for unsuspecting prey. 

“Hey!” Jean’s voice sounded low, breaking the silence of the woods around them and drawing Mikasa’s eyes from the fish. “I didn’t expect to see anyone out here.” His grin remained gentle. 

Breaking eye contact and allowing her eyes to explore the surrounding area. “I was just taking a walk. I didn’t know there was a pond out here.” She informed the tall boy that sat in front of her. 

He gave a small nod after her answer. 

“How is your arm doing after the sting?” Mikasa asked with moderate hesitation. A month has passed since the jellyfish incident at the tide pools, but since she noticed that Hange kept him drawing for her even though that was his injured hand. 

“Oh it’s fine, it only burned for no more than two days after. The skin did welt and peel though. The scar looks kind of cool.” Jean raised his right hand to her to show the darken scars that form from where the tendrils touched his skin. The dark marks ran along his fingertips and wrapping around to the backside of his hand. Jean shifted his body toward the direction where Mikasa stood as he rolled up his sleeve. Keeping his elbow bent, he twisted his arm around to give a view of the same dark scars that crawled around past his forearm. After showing the raven-haired girl, he quickly rolled his sleeve back down. 

Mikasa tried to contribute more to the conversation than she usually does. “Are you drawing?” She questioned, despite her answer being right in front of her. 

“Oh heh.” An awkward chuckled left his lips as he looked away. “Well, actually, I am drawing some pictures to send back home to my mom in Trost.” His eyebrows high and knotted, he appeared embarrassed. “She has been asking me what the world looks like beyond the walls so I have been drawing her some pictures here and there so she can see.” 

Mikasa did not expect that answer but it seemed like a thoughtful gesture of him. The one and only time she ever saw Jean’s mother was went she brought him home-made food to the training center’s dining hall. He was super embarrassed by his mother’s actions and was disrespectful towards her. Not really knowing what happened, Mikasa did recall Jean going back home to visit his mom again. Maybe they are on better terms? She could only guess but doesn’t want to pry. 

Mikasa gave closed-lip smile, eyes closing as she snorted a small laugh. “That’s sweet of you to do for her.” 

Jean forced a grin of embarrassment as his shoulders rose, his cheeks blushing just barely enough to be noticeable. “Oh haha, thanks.” He quietly squeaked as his voice cracked. The tall boy grunted, clearing his throat as a result from his voice reaching octaves that were 2 pitches too high. He ran his fingers through his light-brown hair. “So, I’ve noticed you’ve been gone most evenings.” He stated. “Have you just been walking alone out here?” An inch of concern spilled into his voice. 

Mikasa was not surprised that he noticed her absence, he seems to be one of the most observant in the 104th survivors, besides Armin, of course. Carefully planning her reason, she answered. “Yeah, I’ve been roaming the area around the outpost. It’s just nice to have quiet time.” 

Nodding again in agreement, Jean chimed in to add “Yeah you don’t get much quiet time with Connie, Sasha, Floch, or Hange around, do you?” 

Both shared a short laugh. Then their eyes wander to the moss-covered wooded area around them. 

The two shared a few moments in silence before Jean lamented “It’s.. It’s been really different without Eren around.” His voice quieter, earnest in his statement, changing the lighthearted mood that they just had. 

Mikasa’s eyes fell downward and her head hung slightly lower, shifting her gaze from the area around the pond to her feet below. 

Noticing her change in behavior, Jean continued to express what was on his mind. “I know Eren and I never used to see eye-to-eye on things, but, I do think of him as my friend and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss him.” 

Hearing his confession brought happiness and sadness to her ears. She thinks of Eren every passing day, and the reason she walks is to get away from the reality that his is gone. Her chest felt tighter but she remained silent. 

_Maybe I said too much? _Jean sat in a tension-filled silence. Awaiting no answer from Mikasa except for the frogs that echoed low croaks around him. “Sorry, you don’t have to say anything that you don’t want to, I just wanted to share that with you.” Jean stated, his voice soothing and apologetic.__

__Transitioning her gaze from her dirt-covered boots to the orange-tinted sky above her. The clouds in the sky appeared like a cotton-textured wave. Bumpy ripples of cloud lined the sky, row by row, like the waves against the ocean’s shoreline._ _

__Scared of triggering her bottled up feelings, Jean could not even begin to imagine the stress and worry that Mikasa must feel on a daily basis. Eren was her adoptive brother, best friend, and maybe even lover. Now Eren lies far beyond the endless blue ocean, deep into Marleyan territory. Waiting on word from him, no one at the moment even knows if he is alive. Precious intel and the only hope humanity has is held within the titan-shifting boy._ _

__Jean offered to Mikasa “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through right now, but if you even need someone to talk to, I am here to listen. I would like to help you if I can, Mikasa.” Jean sincerely stated._ _

__Though Jean’s feelings for Mikasa never truly disappeared, he did try to limit his interactions with her, in an attempt to loosen his attachment. Jean always felt protective of his friends and their safety, but he felt even more so in Mikasa’s behalf._ _

__“Thank you, Jean.” Mikasa quietly muttered, keeping her eyes on the rolling clouds that darkened above._ _

__Minutes of silence heavy passed, and as it did, the delicate melody of the forest set back into place. Jean heard a few frogs croak and foliage and leaves whistled in the breeze._ _

__Jean gathered up his art supplies and placed them back into the satchel beside him. Standing up, he used his hands to pat off any dirty that stuck to his clothes. Taking a step toward her, he asked softly “Would you be okay heading back to camp?”_ _

__Awakening her from her blank stare, she gathering back her surroundings. “Sure, let’s head back.”_ _

__Making their way back through the foliage-covered terrain, the two soldiers walked beside each other in silence. A quietness that was not tense or awkward, but comforting._ _

__Just as darkness fell, the two spotted the outpost fence and watch tower in the distance and picked up their pace._ _

__Approaching the gate, Jean took a few fast steps ahead of the raven-haired girl to begin sliding heavy gate open. Peaking up, Jean noticed no one else but his dearly beloved comrade Floch on night duty. Floch peered over his wooden post high above the ground and shot Jean a very puzzled look. His brows knitted together and his mouth hung open._ _

__Walking in to the yard area, Jean began to hear Floch’s stammered words “Hey what were you guys doing out th-…”. However, his question was stopped when he was interrupted but Jean’s middle finger raising into the air._ _

__Floch’s bottom lip drew forward to form a pout. His eyes narrowed as he watch his two comrades leave to their respective sleeping quarters._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Chapter 4 is halfway done so I hope to have it posted by the end of the week and Chapter 5 will be right after!)  
> Please let me know what you think about the chapter or the story so far! I'd love to hear your thoughts!  
> Have a great week! :)  
> 


	4. Illusions of Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean spots a group of Marleyan ships just off of the coast, he knew it was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the nice comments and kudos!! I am glad you are enjoying the story so far!

Jean’s eyelids were heavy, he felt slow and sluggish. He felt that the only thing that kept him alert was the dim orange haze from the sun that colored the sky above him. The sun has hardly touched the horizon but its rays were powerful enough to faintly illuminate the sky.

Jean hated night watch but it was something that had to be done. The tall boy stood up from his chair to stretch his cramped legs. Bending over slightly, he brushed out the wrinkles in his pants. Taking a good look around the incredible view from the watch tower. Staring at the ocean, a large group of ships caught his eye. Jean rubbed his eyes to make sure he was hallucinating. Giving it another second to realize what it was, he knew this day was about to get even longer. 

_Are you fucking kidding me?!_ Jean spun around to grab a hold of the warning bell rope. Giving the Marleyan ships one good glance he began to violently swing the rope. The bells emit a deafening pitch but it would be enough wake up everyone within the outposts. 

Moments later, Jean sees Levi stumble out of the barracks barefoot and a few feet into the yard with sluggish movements. He appeared to have just woke up as he wore sweatpants and a lounge shirt. Thankful for his quick reaction, Jean quickly slide down the watchtower ladder. 

“Captain, they brought a whole fucking armada with them!! There are 15 warships on the horizon!” Jean huffed. “I don’t think they have ever brought more than 10 with them before? All of the 15 are their large destroyer ships!” Jean called urgently as he dashed over to meet with the shorter man. 

Levi had a frown form across his lips as he focused, his eyes squinting as he thought. However, knowing the standard drill, he ordered. “It’s okay, I will go get Hange so we can help Armin get in position and prepare. I need you to wake everyone else up and help anyone with their gear.” 

“Are we destroying the ships as usual, but, without Eren this time?” Jean hastily interrupted, eyebrows knotting high on his forehead. 

“Yes, just as we usually do. I think the number of ships may be a lot for Armin but I would rather have you and, maybe Hange, stay on the beach in case any ships come ashore before Armin can get to them. Do not let the reach the docks.” Levi laid out the plan that he hoped would go smoothly, shifting to run, the raven-haired man jogged over towards Hange’s lab, he called back. “Good eye, Kirschtein.” Levi recognized the tall boy on his early warning. 

Giving back an unnoticed smile, Jean took Levi’s complaint and ran toward the barracks. Keeping a steady pace, Jean began knocking on doors to alert his comrades. Banging his fists loudly against the wooden doors on each side of the hallway, Jean yelled out loud about the warships from Marley. Knowing how fast the destroyer ships travel, Jean hoped for his teammates to ready quickly, as he estimated less than 10 minutes for the ships to arrive close enough to begin the counterattack. 

Jean only got to the first knock on Armin’s door before his quickly swung open. There stood the shorter blonde boy with distressed look. His eyebrows rose, creating tension on his forehead. His eyes widened, revealing his light blue eyes and the small beaded tears welling up below them. Jean knew this expression from Armin all too well. Regardless of the good intentions the kindhearted boy had, every fiber in his being resented taking human lives, and Jean could relate. Marley represented the enemy but Jean has seen the soldiers that traveled aboard the destroyer and survey ships, they were soldiers just like him but wearing a different uniform, and Armin would have to kill them, by the dozens. 

Armin’s mouth hung open, choking on his words he asked Jean. “H-how many of them?” His voice quivered. 

Jean felt his hard lump form in his throat, he couldn’t swallow. It pained him to tell his friend. “Th-there are 15 of their warships out there.” Jean stared at the blonde boy as his friend mentally fought his moral war. Without thinking, Jean pulled Armin into a bear hug, keeping a tight embrace along his friend. It took Armin a second to reciprocate the hug, slowly lifting his arms to reach the mid-point of Jean’s back. 

“Armin, I am so sorry.” Jean whispered to the boy as he rested his chin on top of Armin’s head. Jean tightly clutched Armin’s shaking body as he felt a hot tear press against his chest. 

“Me too.” Armin muttered back, slowly pulling away, he picked his anti-personnel maneuvering gear beside him. Armin looked up at Jean, making eye contact and feeling another tear about to escape from the corner of his eye. Armin mouthed an inaudible thank you and rushed down the hallway to find Hange and Levi. 

Jean took a moment standing in front of Armin’s door. He knows Armin hates killing. Even though Marley was the enemy, they were still people and they were people Armin didn’t want to kill. 

Shaking his head as to not let his emotions get the best of him, Jean continued making his way down the hallway knocking on doors. Upon reaching the end of the hallway, the room on the right was his. Opening the door, Jean walked over to his wooden nightstand beside his bed. Jean pulled a small piece of paper out of his chest pocket. The small paper had a rough map sketch of the beach and all that his has discovered since being stationed at the outpost. It was going to go in his next mail package that he sends out to his mom in the Trost. Leaving the map on his nightstand, Jean took in a deep breath then left his room, closing the door behind him. 

Exiting the barracks, Jean jogged over to the watchtower to gain a better view of where the Marleyan ships were. After hustling up the ladder, Jean grabbed the binoculars that were placed beside the stool on the watchtower’s platform. Bring the binoculars to his eyes, he adjusted the zoom. The fleet of ships managed to travel much further than he expected and they were closing in on the dock area to unload their troops. _They’re fast!_ Jean winced when seeing the distance they have gained. The Survey Corps probably had 5 minutes until they were close enough to docks. Quickly setting the binoculars down, Jean turned to the warning bell again. Preparing for the deafening sounds, he gave it a few good shakes to warn the others. 

Jean saw Connie and Sasha run out of the barracks in full gear. Sasha carried two pistols and two revolvers hung at her hips. Connie glanced up to see Jean on the watch tower. 

“How close are they?” Connie called from below. 

Feeling it was easier than yelling, Jean took the lazy way down and fired off one of his anti-personnel maneuver gear grapple hooks, he swung down. Landing beside his two friends, he explained. “They got a lot closer, I think they could be here in few minutes!” 

Sasha’s hazel eyes widened as her mouth hung open. “W-well what are we waiting for?” The brown-haired girl stammered. 

“Nothing.” Jean stated. “You two go get in position near the docks. I am going to make sure the others are ready and meet with Hange. I’ll see you soon, be safe.” Jean gave Sasha and Connie a parting nod as he watched his friends sprint off towards the beach. 

Before Jean could run to Hange’s lab, he spotted Mikasa running out of the barracks, in her anti-personnel maneuver gear and two revolvers at her hips, she made eye-contact with Jean then ran toward his direction. 

The corners of Jean’s mouth curled upward as he gave the raven-haired girl a small smile. “I heard what was going on from Armin.” She stated. Jean got strong impressions of how worried she was but she did a good job of not showing it. 

Nodding, Jean added. “Yeah, I don’t think they’ve ever sent 15 over here? I think we will be okay though.” 

Trying to kindle the spark of his enthusiasm, Mikasa continued. “Yeah me too.” Looking down, she was about to turn around to run towards the direction of the docks. 

“W-wait!” Jean blurted to stop her from leaving. “If you fall into the water, unhook your gear, it’s too heavy to swim with. The gear is expendable, you are not.” 

Taking his warning into consideration, Mikasa agreed and turned to find the others. As she ran, she heard Jean call out for her to be safe. Some of his words were caught in the wind. _You too._ She thought. 

Assuming that everyone was already on their way to the beach, Jean changed course and sprinted to meet up with Hange in front of the docks. The cold morning air bit into Jeans lungs as he took long strides in his run. He felt his whole body working, his calves burned as he begun to race up the hill. It wasn’t a steep incline but a short enough hill that divided the sandy beach from the forested area where the outpost stood. Jean felt the salty ocean wind whip around his face as he reached the top of the hill. Giving the beach a quick scan, Jean took notice of all his teammates in position. 

Armin stood, still in human form, further down the beach. He would need room to transform so standing on the docks posed the risk of destroying them. The hardest part of fighting against the Marleyans was the limit that the anti-personnel gear had in an open area. There are no building or trees for the gear to utilize so those who are out fighting on the docks are relying on Armin’s Colossal Titan for maneuvering. Since Hange worked with Armin about managing his steam abilities, he does not use that when fighting the ships. Levi and Hange agreed that the less soldiers flying around Armin the better. Mikasa, Levi, Connie, and Sasha are the four who fight alongside Armin, shooting from above and briefly boarding ships before Armin gets to them. 

Today, Jean would guard the shoreline with Hange and Floch to prevent any ships from unloading soldiers. Jean pressed hard in his steps he trekked through the loose sand below his boots, reaching the area where Floch and Hange stood, he joined their guard. 

Floch lifted a hand, pointing a finger towards Armin further down the beach. “He is about to transform.” He updated Jean. “Watch out for the sand.” Floch warned, knowing the gust wind emitted from Armin’s transformation was going to blow sand everywhere. 

With that spot on cue, Jean watched as a split-second flash of white and yellow lightning struck Armin’s previous location. Steam and wind whirled away from the transforming titan in every direction. A giant red skinless beast emerged from within the mist. Standing at 60 meters tall, Amin’s Colossal Titan towered over the nearby ships. Clearing the smoke with a giant swing of his leg, Armin took his first step into the water, showing very little difference in height as he walked into the ocean. Upon walking towards the dock and the first nearby ship, Levi gave the cue for the others to swing around Armin. 

Jean watched as thin trails of gas circled around Armin as they prepared for their first ship. 

“Floch, Jean, guns ready and spread out further down the beach, we need to prepare for any ships coming ashore.” Hange ordering, breaking the boys’ focus on the action around Armin. Floch mentioned a quick good luck to Jean then sprinted in the opposite direction down the beach. 

Jogging through the sand, Jean declared his position was not too far away but still covered some of the area Hange hoped for. Jean stood in anticipation as he awaited, praying for no ships to come. 

Glancing back up to the fight on the water, Jean heard gunshots firing and recognized the sound of the enemy’s rifles. Thin grappling hooks anchored onto the side of a ship as Levi led his small group to their third ship. The rattle of gunfire remained constant from the enemy’s gun. Few gunshots were heard from his teammate’s firearms. They conserved ammo and took more careful aim before firing. Jean felt confident knowing Sasha was out there, having the accurate marksman skills that she has, every round she fired was fatal. With Connie’s experience of the 3-D maneuver gear, he made the antipersonnel equipment look like a breeze. His agility and ability to conserve gas while being the fastest soldier out there made him incredibly valuable on the frontlines. 

Jean heard the crashing roar of water as Armin tore a ship apart and let the broken heap fall into the water below. Dropping broken ships from such a tall height increase the size of the tide that broke against the shoreline. 

Jean made another effort to scan his portion of the shore and inspect his Commander’s as well. Losing sight of Hange, a beat skipped in Jean’s chest. His eyes widened, fully alerted he quickly spotted Hange running onto the deck towards an approaching ship that was about to dock. _Shit! How did I not notice?_ Jean cursed as he broke into a sprint to race towards his Commander. 

Hange stood still on the deck, firing her revolver at the Marleyan soldiers onboard. She had no cover except the few wooden crates that stood along the deck. Crouching behind a wooden box, Hange’s fingers scrambled to reload her revolver. The Commander’s hands shook as she tried reloading her revolver, Hange struggled to put the cartridges in and empty shell casings scattered the floorboards of the dock, some falling through the cracks and into the water below. 

As Jean bolted towards Hange, he watched as Marleyan soldiers fired their guns towards the heap of crates Hange hid behind. Two more Marleyan soldiers joined the side of the ship to take aim at Hange’s cover. A soldier moved quickly behind a canon established on the side of the ship, and began to load it, Jean had only moments to act before they took their aim on Hange’s position. Knowing her defense would not hold against a canon, Jean lifted his loaded musket, taking aim on the man at the canon. Aligning his back sights and his front sights, Jean finger shook as it hovered over the trigger. _I only have one shot at this!_ Jean closed one eye, held his breath, and fired. The bullet erupted from the barrel, and the loud crack of the gun roared behind it. Jean watched as the man behind the canon collapsed as blood splattered behind his head. Hearing the sound of their fallen comrade, the two Marleyan men ran to their fallen soldier. Utilizing this opportunity, Jean took on his role as the diversion, hoping that his Commander would use this opportunity to either reload or retreat. Jean dropped his musket to the ground, knowing he didn’t have time to reload it. Jean made a dash for the area on the deck, making use of the height of the stacked crates, Jean took large leaps with the aid of his gas. With his grappling hook, he released a burst of gas to fling himself onto the ship. Now holding two revolvers in each hand, Jean braced for impact as he roughly boarded the ship. Breaking his fall with a roll, Jean managed to unknowingly dodge a round that was fired at him from behind. A young Marleyan man stood shaking in place as he struggled to reload his rifle. Accepting the fact that it was his own life versus this man’s, Jean bit his tongue as his took aim at the young man near him. The shaken soldier lifted his head up only to lock eyes with Jean. Tears welled up in the Marleyan man’s eyes, he knew what was going to happen. _This isn’t me._ Jean fought with his morals but knew what he had to do. With less than 10 feet separating the two, Jean aimed the revolver at his enemy’s chest and fired. Jean quickly whipped his head around to avoid seeing the man’s body fall to the floor. _I’m sorry._

Wasting the gas from his back tank, Jean employed large bursts of it to lunge forward with his movement along the deck of the ship. Racing towards where the canon stood, Jean raised both loaded revolvers towards the Marleyan men who uselessly attempted to resuscitate the man who Jean headshot from the shore. One of the men was on his knees hovering over the dead soldier in an effort to preform chest compressions. A lump formed in Jean’s throat, his chin trembled as the corners of his lips turned down. His chest ached from the humanity that the men in shock exhibited. _Please don’t do this._ Jean watched as one of the Marleyan men lifted his head up to notice him standing behind him. 

“Y-you!” The Marleyan man looked enraged, his eyebrows lowered overshadowing his teary eyes. The upper corners of his mouth stretched up for form a snarl. His hands shook as he slowly lifted his rifle at Jean but it was too late. 

Jean’s arms extended out already aimed at the two men, he fired both revolvers. 

All of the Marleyan soldiers occupying this ship were dead, Jean has done his job. Taking a jog around the ship to double-check, Jean considered it cleared and used a large surge of gas to swing himself over to the docks. 

Hange poked her head out then emerged from her hiding spot. Her brown bangs fell over her face, strands covering her good eye. “Thank you Jean.” She stated, her voice was heavy, knowing very well that the tall boy hated the crime he committed. 

Nodding, Jean found sympathy in her tone. “There was a soldier operating the canon, I couldn’t let him shoot you.” The light-brown haired boy justified his actions. “I’m glad you’re okay.” 

Hange thanked him again then turned to face the open sea behind her. Armin’s titan and Levi’s squad were finishing the last warships. 

“We should move so that Armin can get this ship too.” The commander suggested, walking with Jean off of the docks. 

The two stood on the loose sand, watching the long slow movements of the Colossal Titan pick of ships and shred them apart. Large splashes erupted around the pieces of ship that fell into the water. 

It took only five minutes for Armin and the others to finish destroying the last remaining ships. Jean felt the ground shake more violently as the massive titan walked up to the shore. Armin slowly lowered his titan form to its knees, hunching over, gusts of steam emitted from nape of its neck. Levi and Mikasa stuck a grappling hook into the massive titan’s shoulder to launch themselves on top. Levi and Mikasa assisted the blonde boy out of his titan, pulling him from the hot red strips of flesh that still clung to Armin’s skin. 

_Armin must be exhausted, physically and mentally._ Jean suggested to himself as he watched the limp body of his friend be carried off of the evaporating titan. 

“Okay, we’re finished here.” Levi called out to the group. Once Levi gave his cue, everyone walked back to the outpost in silence, all head hung low. 

Making their way into their gated outpost, Jean followed closely behind Mikasa and Levi who carried Armin. Hange led the way, pulling open the wooden door to her lab building, the four made their way through the hallway and into the medical room. Levi and Mikasa leaned over the cot-styled bed and gentle lowered Armin down on his back. 

Hange gave Levi and Mikasa a silent thank you and began inspecting the recovering boy. Jean hesitated for a moment, then followed Mikasa and Levi out of the room. Taking a sharp right turn around the opened door, Jean leaned against the rough wooden walls and slumped down into a sitting position. _I’ll wait until Hange says he’ll be okay._ Jean reflected back onto the fact that his friend has a significantly fast recovery speed but he didn’t care, he’d still wait. Jean closed his eyes, he took a slow inhale the released it as a shaky breath. 

“What are you doing?” Mikasa’s voice broke his short-lived silence, she stood further down the hall like she came close to leaving but didn’t get far. 

“Uh, I’m just waiting to hear how Armin is.” Jean slowly responded, his eyes remained closed and his head tilted upward, resting on the cold wooden wall behind him. 

Mikasa took the tall boy’s answer and made no more comments. Mikasa took a few steps towards Jean and sat across from him. She stretched out her legs, her back slouched forward. A long audible exhale preceded her statement that she was tired. 

Jean opened his eyes, glancing over to the defeated girl that sat near him. “How many?” _people did you kill?_ Jean asked, knowing that her answer would be significantly higher than his. Any number was too high for him but he knew that this was the life he chose. 

“I lost, um. I lost track after 15.” Mikasa voice was soaked in sorrow, as her answer came out nothing louder than a whisper. 

“I’m sorry, Mikasa.” Jean solemnly apologized. “A-are you doing okay?” He suspected the answer to be a no but he thought he would ask either way. 

Mikasa bent both of her legs and tucked them up against her center. She looked toward Jean, making contact with his strong hazel eyes, drawing her vision away again, she replied. “I don’t know, it’s hard.” 

Jean ran a shaky hand through his light-brown hair, he glanced down at his crossed legs. “This doesn’t define you. I’m still here if you want to talk.” His eyes closed again, resting his troubled head back against the wooden wall. 

A sad smile tugged at the corner of Mikasa’s mouth, giving a small head nod, she sat in a comfortable silence, waiting for news about Armin. Jean wanted to close his eyes but he didn’t want to fall asleep just yet. It was quiet, the enemy was dead, and he knew Mikasa and his friends were safe, what more could be ask for? 

“Uh, Jean.” 

“Jean.” 

Jean’s eyes open, unfocused on the woman that stood before him. Taking off rubber gloves, Hange glanced down at the boy who fell asleep right outside the infirmary door. 

“Were you waiting for Armin?” Hange assumed. 

“Y-yeah, um, is he doing okay?” Jean groggily questioned, feeling like his eyes could barely open. He took in his surroundings, Mikasa was gone. _How long was I here?_

“Yes he is doing fine, you didn’t need to wait for him. He just needs to rest for tonight.” Hange informed the tired boy. 

Jean took his Commander’s answer and unsteadily used his arm to lift him up from his seated position. Deciding to venture back to his room, Jean peered inside the room to check on Armin. Armin’s chest rose and fall in a rhythm that Jean deemed acceptable. Continuing down the hall, he exited Hange’s lab and made his way into the barracks. The hallway felt longer than usual, as Jean staggered to his room at the end of the hallway. 

In an uncomfortable frustration, Jean tore his anti-personal maneuver gear off and tossed it to the corner of his room beside his dresser. _I’ll pick it up later._ With that, Jean sat on his bed and kicked his pants off, only to have them join the pile. Scooting his way up his bed, he let his head his that perfect spot on his pillow and felt the world sink around him. His aching body relaxed into the gentle cushioning of his mattress. 

Jean laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling that was cloaked by the darkness of the room. Jean saw nothing but the distressed, teary eyes of the men he killed. The images burned a place into his conscious. _Those people I killed had families, friends, people who were waiting for them to return. I took everything away from them and more._ Jean’s eyes stung as he fought back hot tears that formed in the corner of his eyes. _I am a monster. A murderer._ Coming to terms with the fact that he took multiple lives at the expense of his own and Hange’s, but he knew he would do it again if he had to. Jean rolled over in bed, clutching his pillow tightly, he let the eagerly waiting tears fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to work on this chapter, I didn't really know how to write action scenes (I still don't lol)! I just started my last term of classes this week and work was busy, but I am still finding time to write at least!   
> Let me know if you have any ideas or critics for me! I appreciate all of the feedback I am getting! <3


	5. Dangerous Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa takes Jean up on his offer and the two share an emotional moment together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I am so sorry it took me like 100 years to get this chapter out! Here is a fluffy chapter for all the shippers out there! (I got you!)

Jean laid in bed, pinned under the comfortable weight of his heavy blankets, he waiting for sleep to take him away. Tucking one leg up and straightening out the other, Jean stretched out his body, hoping to get comfortable enough to drift to sleep.

The softest knock on his bedroom door awoke him. _Wait? Did I even fall asleep?_ Jean thought, rubbing his heavy eyes to open them. 

The knock occurred again, slightly louder than before. Jean sat up in bed, folding over the top half of his blankets. Jean lazily swung one leg over the blankets and slid out of bed. Staggering to the door, Jean twisted the knob to creak the door open. 

There in the dark hallway stood Mikasa. Wearing a loose fitting grey t-shirt and beige sweatpants, she looked like she recently got out of bed. 

Completely shocked and expecting someone like Flock or Armin to be at his door, Jean did not feel dressed to the occasion as he stood there in his underwear and a black t-shirt. As his face reddened his slowly inched his lower body out of sight behind the wooden door. 

Puffy bags hung below her eyes and she appeared to be distraught. “Is your offer still standing?” She quietly asked. 

Confused by the context of what she meant Jean tried to review every conversation he ever had with anyone over the past 10 years as to decipher what she could have meant. Hesitating for one long moment, Jean choked out. “W-what?” 

Mikasa shot the tall boy a puzzled look, an eyebrow raising in worry. “You said that you were available if I ever wanted to talk?” Mikasa replied, hoping that this would jog Jean’s memory. 

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t know what you meant, no I am, I mean yes, my offer always stand.” Jean stumbled around with his word. _I am an idiot._ He justified his impaired train-of-thought. 

Glancing down at his attire, Jean interjected. “Um, I don’t have real pants on, I can change really quick.” 

“I don’t really care.” Mikasa simply stated, her body leaning closer to the doorway, giving him the indirect cue to open the door. 

A little embarrassed by his appearance, Jean open the door to let the raven-haired girl inside. Closing the door behind her, Jean turned to see Mikasa making her way to sit down on his bed. 

Doing the same and thanking the Walls that it is pitch black inside his room, he sat at a safe 4 feet apart from her, sitting down at the foot of his bed. 

The two shared a short moment of silence. Jean wondered what could be wrong enough for Mikasa to come visit him, _in his room_ , in the middle of the night. Regardless of the several scenarios that ran through his mind, he would be there to support her in any way that he could, as he vowed he would do. 

“Haven’t been able to sleep?” Jean asked, turning his head to face the girl beside him. 

“Mmhmm.” Mikasa hummed, agreeing to his question. 

Hoping to get more conversation out of his troubled friend, he asked another question. “What has been on your mind lately?” He thought this could start getting to the root of her worry although he assumed it was going to end up being related to Eren. 

Silence settled back into the quiet bedroom as Mikasa tried to assemble her thoughts. “Uh, I don’t know, I am just worried about the future.” Her voice was in an undertone, hardly audible. 

Looking at the floorboards below his bed, Jean also frequently thought about the future. What did the future hold for him and those around him? Would he live the shortest life out of his friends? Or will he be the unfortunate one to outlive them all? He hoped the latter would not be his future. 

Clearly his throat, not knowing how to respond, he answered. “I think about the future too. I worry about everyone. What, um, specifically is worrying you the most?” 

Tension filled the room for Mikasa. She felt her chin quiver. Unable to swallow, a hard lump formed in the middle of her throat. She couldn’t put her words together and felt like she couldn’t speak. 

She let in a hard sniff through her nostrils, trying to take a deep breathe, she whispered. “The Curse of Ymir.” 

_Oh shit._ Jean thought, he had a _feeling_ that this conversation was due. Jean felt useless in this scenario. He did often think about the Curse of Ymir, even though he wish he hadn’t. The hurt that he feels about the titan curse is nowhere near the pain that Mikasa is experiencing. The two most important people in her life, her two best friends, now have a shortened lifespan. Within 13 years from when the titan shifters first awakened their powers, they will eventually succumb to the curse. Eren has much less time than Armin. To Mikasa, Eren is her everything. From saving her from the human traffickers to his family adopting her, he has been there for her through the worst part of her childhood. Growing up they were virtually inseparable, including Armin. 

Jean began to hear Mikasa’s sniffling and realized she was crying. Not aware of what he should do, Jean just wanted to try to comfort her in whatever way he could. “H-hey. I am so sorry Mikasa.” Jean shifted his weight on the bed, scooting closer to her and closing the distance between them. “I’m right here.” His voice was soothing as he reassured Mikasa. 

Reaching out his left hand, he slowly placed his hand on top of her hand that rested upon her lap. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m here.” 

The next several minutes, Jean sat in silence as Mikasa released all of her pent of worries, anxieties, and distress. Hot tears fell onto her lap and some on top of Jean’s hand. 

Jean would be a liar if he said he wasn’t crying too. He felt tears welling up at the corners of his eyes. Trying to be strong for her, he did all that he could so that they wouldn’t fall. Jean can’t recall how long he spent comforting Mikasa because he couldn’t remember. 

Mikasa awoke from her sleep. It was still dark. She didn’t remember falling asleep. Completely unaware of where she was, she propped an elbow up to lean on and looked around from the bed. She was still in Jean’s room. She laid in his bed, neatly tucked-in under his blankets, and resting comfortably on his pillow. Jean was nowhere in sight when Mikasa glanced around the room. Worrying where he was and hoping he didn’t just leave, she leaned forward in bed. 

Mikasa saw Jean on the floor, with spare pillow and blanket, he laid sprawled out right beside his bed. Feeling bad, like she kicked him out of his own bed, Mikasa whispered to the boy on the ground. “Jean...” Getting no response from the boy sleeping on the wooden floorboards below, she whispers again. 

Jean let out a low groaned as he rolled over on his side to face Mikasa. “A-are you okay?” He asked, his voice very rough and deep-pitched. 

“I didn’t mean to kick you out of your bed. I can go back to my room now.” Mikasa offered, keeping her voice quiet to a whisper. 

Jean looked half-asleep but he lifted his head above his pillow. Half of his hair was disheveled from sleeping on his side. “Hm? No, you don’t have to leave. You can still sleep here, so you don’t have to be alone tonight.” Jean replied, hoping that she takes his reason into consideration. “I don’t mind the floor. Plus, it would have been wrong of me to sleep with you, I want to respect your boundaries.” Jean added, flopping his head back onto his pillow, still staring up at the girl. 

Giving in because she is too tired to leave the warmness of his bed, Mikasa told the boy laying down below that she would stay. Curling up on her side, she pulled the heavy blankets back over her. 

“Thank you, Jean.” Mikasa spoke gingerly from the bed. Jean felt a rush of blood coming to his face to redden his cheeks. For once he felt helpful and needed. A good feeling. “Anytime.” Jean responded sincerely. 

A comfortable quietness filled the atmosphere around them. Jean heard rustling on top of his bed as Mikasa tried to get into a comfortable position. He is glad she decided to stay. He couldn’t remember how long they spend sitting on his bed. He just remembers holding her hand as she cried, occasionally rubbing a hand along her back as she shook beside him. She was in pain and Jean could feel it. He couldn’t imagine how she must feel knowing that the two closest people to her will die within the upcoming years. 

Jean wouldn’t say that he and Mikasa were that close, friends, but he felt it would never evolve beyond that. Would he want it to? Would she? 

Jean’s internal clock awoke him from his slumber. Jean never used to be a morning person before he went through training, but now he has developed a habit of waking up at 5am much to his dislike. 

Rolling to his side, he saw the heap of blankets that Mikasa laid beneath. His feeling of alertness gave away the indication that he could not fall back asleep, so Jean sat up from his makeshift “bed” and reached for his pair of sweats that laid folded on the dresser beside him. Standing up quietly as to not wake Mikasa, he slipped his sweatpants on and tiptoed over to his desk across the room. He lift the chair up so that it wouldn’t scrap along the floor, he gently set it down and took a seat at his wooden table. There was all of his art supplies so he was just going to finish his drawings. Jean pulled out the sketch from the pond that he never finished. Trying to work from memory, he lightly brushed his pencil along the page in front of him. Working on shading, Jean pressed lightly on his blender to mix the light and shadows that was created from the trees. 

Time flew by as he continued sketching. Jean understood the phrase ‘time flies when you’re having fun.’ He enjoys drawing, it is one of the times where he can feel at peace with himself, and just take in the world around him. Finishing up his sketch, Jean blended out more of the rough pencil lines to give it a smoother finish. After he deemed his drawing complete, he flipped it over, and grabbed his pencil. Jean had been writing small descriptions of his drawing, where it was, how it sounded, so that he can help his mother better envision what the scenery was like. 

Jean heard blankets shifting around from his bed, looking behind him, he saw Mikasa making an effort to sit up in bed. Her dark eyes were unfocused and bleary from sleep. She looked at the ground below, realizing he wasn’t there, her eyes widened and a look of panic spread across her face as her eyebrows created tension on her forehead. Unsteadily glancing around the room she spotted Jean sitting at his desk, looking back at her with a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

“Hey, how did you sleep?” Jean asked, sounding too alert and chipper for the hour that it was. 

Mikasa let her body flop backwards onto the bed, her head plopping roughly onto Jean’s pillow. “Good.” She yawned, pulling the blankets back over herself. 

Jean let out a chuckle, she did look comfortable. “Are you hungry at all?” Jean asked, with the idea of making her breakfast came into her mind. 

“Mmm… yeah.” She stated groggily. Much to Jean’s delight, he stood up and told Mikasa that he would be back in 20 minutes. 

Not really thinking much into his disappearance, she mumbled incoherently and let her eyes rest for a bit longer. 

Twenty minutes passed faster than Mikasa thought. She made a much quicker effort to sit up in bed when she heard Jean gently knock on the door. He gave her a quick warning before he opened it. Thoughtful. 

Much to Mikasa’s surprise, she did not expect Jean to march into the room with two plates and two glasses. Placing the breakfast onto the nightstand beside the bed, he reached over to the side of it to pull out a wooden serving tray. Realizing it was for her lap, Jean passed the tray to Mikasa who still remained sitting on the bed, her lower body covered in blankets. 

“Do you always eat in bed?” Mikasa wondered upon seeing the tray. 

“Heh, only when I don’t feel like socializing in the dining area, then I will bring my food in here or eat at my desk.” Jean confessed, passing Mikasa’s plate of food and glass onto her tray. Grabbing his own plate and drink, he took a seat on the foot of the bed, keeping a safe and comfortable distance like he did last night. 

Looking at the large omelet that filled her plate, Mikasa thanked Jean for the home cooked breakfast. “Wow this looks great! I've never had breakfast in bed before.” She praised, her lips parted as she grinned. 

Pleased to hear and see her excitement, Jean cut into his omelet and took a bite. “This is the way my mom would make omelets for me.” The boy with light-brown hair stated. He considered this as close to his mother’s cook as he could get. 

Joining in, Mikasa began eating as well. It was much better than Mikasa thought. However, she did recall Sasha and Jean having a cook-off battle during their training days but she didn’t remember much of it. Did Jean win or did Sasha? Either way she is enjoying her omelet. 

The two ate in a comfortable silence. Mikasa finished her glass of juice and sat contently, lifting up her wooden tray and placing it flat on the bed between her and Jean. 

Contently full and now lethargic, Mikasa waited in silence for Jean to finish eating. Her eyes turned to the left and wandered around the room. Jean had a nicely organized nightstand. His lantern and a piece of paper sat upon it. Peering over the paper, it appeared to be a sketch, a map. A light went off in Mikasa’s mind that sent it racing as she blankly stared at the drawing beside her. 

Taking notice of her stare, Jean was puzzled as to why that of all drawings seemed to catch the raven-haired girl’s attention. Finishing his final bite, Jean swallowed and noted. “Oh that was just a map of the area I drew. It’s a really rough sketch but it’s so my mom can see the area that surrounds the outpost.” 

Mikasa struggled to pull her eyes away from the sketch. The light and dark pencil lines showed the layout of the small Survey Corps outpost, the distance to the ocean that they were. It also mapped and labeled where the surrounding forests, plains, and tide pools were as well. 

Breaking her long gaze, Mikasa’s eyes widened. She turned towards Jean, eyes full of determination, she stated with all seriousness. “I have an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I'm not hustling chapters like I used to be! Unfortunately, I have been super busy with work, school, and the impending stress of graduation! I will work on chapters little by little but I was kind of thinking about putting this fanfic on a tiny hiatus?? I am writing a piece for Jeankasa weekend (I am excited I've never participated in anything like that before!) Anyway, I am halfway through writing Chapter 6 so when I have time to finish it, I will post it!  
> Let me know what you guys think, thank you all for the feedback!

**Author's Note:**

> Are there any Jeankasa shippers out there? I love all of the SnK/AoT ships but this one lately has been on my mind, thus this fanfic was born!  
> I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment if you can, I would love any feedback or constructive criticism!


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